Courtly Love Read online

  Seated next to her sister, Aurelia was also asking the same question.

  "Well, I don't know what's going on!" Beda replied testily. " 'Tis certainly not my fault he's bewitched with her. You're the one who kept assuring me Serena would never lower herself to bed a bastard, remember?"

  "Will you keep your voice down! Geoffrey may be old but he's not deaf!" Aurelia plucked nervously at the material of her skirt. "If you don't do something quickly, we're going to have an additional complication. Beda, for the love of God, stop sulking and start thinking. You had Gyles under your control once, do so again."

  "I cannot! Since Serena arrived Gyles hasn't had a word to spare for me."

  "Has he bedded her yet?"

  "How should I know? I can't very well hide under the bed to find out. Or do you propose I simply ask him?" Beda affected a mocking tone. " 'Tell me, Gyles, do you pleasure yourself with Serena often? Is she warm and willing or do you have to use force?' How is that, Aurelia, do you think he will answer?"

  "Oh, close your mouth and let me think!" Aurelia snapped. "If Serena gets with child all our plans will be destroyed. Alan is no problem since he could never inherit Camden—you are sure Gyles made no provision for that?"

  "Yes. Gyles plans to send the boy to Normandy. He has an estate there and Alan will inherit those lands. Camden plays no part in Alan's future."

  "Then you must see to it Serena bears Gyles no legitimate offspring." Aurelia paused, considering. "The potions and tissanes you used so effectively on yourself should do the same for Serena."

  "But they must be used early enough and their taste Cannot be disguised."

  "Then she must meet with an accident; push her down the stairs or see she falls from her horse, use your brain for once instead of your body," Aurelia said in exasperation.

  "You don't appear to be doing all that well yourself," Beda flashed back. "Geoffrey is still up and about and Bryan doesn't sppear to have fallen under your spell! Geoffrey should have been dead by now and Bryan safely ensconced by your side. You were supposed to be with child; either Geoffrey is not performing his husbandly duties, or you are barren!"

  "All right, all right! Let's stop these useless recriminations. All you have to do is prevent Serena from giving birth to an heir. Leave Bryan to me." As one, Aurelia and Beda turned their attention to Serena. Feeling their malevolence across the hall, Serena shivered.

  Gyles turned to share a jest with Serena, and the smile faded from his lips when he saw her pallor; touching her arm, he felt her shivering. "Serena?" Gyles bent to her with concern. "Are you well? Is it your head? Is it causing you pain?"

  "No, Gyles." Serena's lips were stiff. "I don't know ... I suddenly feel cold as death." She gave him a halting smile. "I'm fine; I must be standing in a draught. Some wine will help, perhaps."

  "I'll get you some." Gyles disappeared and Serena wrapped herself in her arms. Gyles reappeared and pressed a goblet into her hand. "Drink this." Serena drained the goblet quickly and set it aside. "Better?"

  Gyles's brows were still knit together with concern and Serena forced a smile. "Yes, much." The apprehensive feeling was still with her and she felt the need to be safely enfolded in Gyles's anas. "I told you that setting my passions ablaze and then refusing to see them to an end was not healthy." Serena's tone was bantering, but Gyles sensed that something was still amiss, so he drew her to him.

  "Trying to escape my evil clutches?" Gyles teased.

  " 'Twould serve you right," Serena answered tartly. A little color had returned to her cheeks and she let her eyes sparkle up at him. "Perhaps it should be you who escapes me, Gyles. I may be a vixen waiting to tear you into tiny pieces with my hands."

  Serena raised a hand to his chest and Gyles caught it in his own as he bent to her ear. " Tis my fondest wish that what you say is true, Serena ... and I will soon find out."

  Richard tore viciously at a chunk of pork. "Look at them!" he snorted in disgust. "Serena's making a fool of herself. Were I any kind of man I would have taken her honor long ago."

  "And felt the bite of her dagger as well," Bryan retorted. "Let it go, Richard. Let Serena find some happiness." He studied his sister as she sat laughing with Gyles at the head of the table. When he returned his gaze to Richard, Bryan caught sight of Aurelia watching him. "She's at it again," he muttered.

  "What?"

  "Aurelia." Bryan nodded in her direction. "She's watching me like some damn hawk."

  "You know what she wants, Bryan. Why don't you give it to her?"

  "Cuckold my own father? Richard, if you weren't so far into your cups, I'd challenge you for that remark. Besides, the idea of bedding that one is repulsive," Bryan shuddered.

  "Well, we all have our problems," Richard shrugged. "And this," he added raising his drinking horn, "is our only solace." Bryan also raised his horn in tacit agreement and both proceeded on the road to oblivion.

  "You have not exchanged more than a few words with your father since the tourney began, Serena," Gyles reprimanded softly. "He has sought you often, but you seem to avoid him."

  Serena glanced in her father's direction. "We have little to say, Gyles. Harsh words were exchanged before our marriage and I doubt there is a way to bridge that gap."

  "Because of me?"

  "Not you specifically. The words would have been spoken no matter who was chosen for me."

  "Ah," Gyles agreed. "So now he pays the price for your bruised pride?"

  "Gyles, that's not fair! You know how I feel—"

  "Even though the marriage is not as hateful as you thought it would be, still you would punish the man who gave you life? Your pride is too great, Serena."

  "My pride!" Serena's eyes widened. "Compared to you, I look like humility personified." But Serena contemplated his words. At last she sighed. "You are right, Gyles. Tis time I made my peace with him, for in truth he did only what he thought best. But I cannot do so with Aurelia by his side. Will you take her elsewhere, Gyles?"

  Gyles's hand covered Serena's. "Of course, cherie, for you I will do anything." Gyles rose and soon he and Aurelia had left the table for the far side of the hall.

  Serena left her place to thread her way to where Geoffrey sat. She placed a delicate hand on his shoulder and her voice broke when he turned. "Father? I . . ." Serena fell to her knees before him. "I would ask your forgiveness for . . . for all that has passed between us. My words were spoken in anger, and I—" Serena choked back a sob, "I—"

  Serena had no need to say more, for Geoffrey reached down and clasped her to his chest. " 'Tis I who should beg your forgiveness, child, for forcing you to marry against your will. If I could, I would set matters aright, but—"

  "Nay, Father, there is no need. All goes well with me."

  Geoffrey cupped his daughter's face with his hands. " Tis the truth, Serena? You would not lie to me?"

  Serena's eyes glistened with tears, saying more than her words. " Tis the truth, Father. I am happy—you chose well for me."

  "I had heard," Geoffrey hesitated, "that your marriage is not complete. Is that true?"

  Serena slipped into a chair beside him. "I will not pretend that all was well between Gyles and me at first. But, Father"—she pressed his hands, overjoyed at being able to confide in him as she had done when she was a child—"I have grown to know him and . . . and care for him. Gyles has a son, Alan, did you know?" Geoffrey nodded, a worried look crossing his face. "A bastard child, I know, but Alan is a fine lad; bright, loving, and I have come to love him deeply. I wish you could meet him, Father, you would know what I mean."

  "And your own sons, Serena, where are they?" Geoffrey teased and laughed at the color that rose in her cheeks. "I would have grandchildren before I become too old to dangle them upon my knee."

  "Soon, Father, I promise you," Serena laughed. "You are too impatient. Besides, you will never be old. You look younger than ever." But concern touched her heart, for there were lines in his face that had not been there before and Geoffrey's usu
al ruddy complexion held a tinge of gray. "Are you well, Father?"

  "Aye, Serena, but the years and old injuries take their toll. I have begun to feel my age, 'tis all." At his daughter's worried look he smiled. "But a grandson or two would greatly improve my spirits."

  "As soon as God wills it, Father," Serena promised.

  "Serena! How nice!" Aurelia's hands captured Serena's and she placed a kiss on heT stepdaughter's cheek. "We have seen far too little of you, dear. Why just last night your father was saying—"

  "Yes, well, I have explained to Father how busy I've been." Repelled by Aurelia's display of affection, Serena stood up. "You look well, Aurelia. That is a new gown, is it not?"

  Aurelia's sharp intake of breath was a hiss and Geoffrey said warningly, "Serena."

  "Your pardon, Father." The words were humbly spoken but Serena stared icily at Aurelia.

  Aurelia laughed shortly. " Tis all forgotten, Serena. And I have long since forgiven you."

  "Forgiven!" Serena was brought up short by Gyles who had been watching the exchange with interest.

  "You will excuse us, I know. Serena has begged to have her future told by the old seer, and I see she is now free." Deftly, he bowed to Geoffrey and led Serena away. "I know you bear no great love for Aurelia, Serena, but you needn't antagonize her."

  "She's a witch. Gyles," Serena said bitterly.

  "Don't you mean bitch?"

  "That, too! And more," she grumbled. "Ooh, if she were a man. I'd run her through—and her lecherous sister as well! The world would be better for their going."

  "Jealous, Serena?" Gyles stopped walking, and, hands on hips, studied his wife.

  "Of which one?" Serena, goaded by his calm manner, said flippantly, "My loving step-mother or your loving harlot? Which should give me greater cause?" Gyles stiffened and Serena was instantly contrite, but anger overrode that emotion. "Well? Have I need to be jealous of Beda? Answer me, Gyles!"

  Instead. Gyles turned on his heel and walked off, while Serena wanted to burst into tears. "Fool!" she chided herself. "You ignorant fool!"

  "Wha's s'matter, Rena?" Richard stood beside her, bleary-eyed and weaving on his feet. "Yer noble husband find a better piece o' fluff?"

  "You're drunk!" Serena snapped. "Get out of my way and go sleep it off somewhere!"

  " 'Rena." Richard said in a hurt voice. "Aw, Rena, don' be mad at me. S'not my fault. You tell 'er, Bryan."

  Serena rounded on her older brother to find him as far into his cups as Richard was. "Oh, you're a fine pair!" she hissed.

  Bryan either ignored or did not hear Serena's comment. "S'right. ya know, s'not Rich..Richard's fault." He gave her a drunken grin.

  "See! Whyn't ya give him the same side of yer tongue ya give me?" Richard began to stagger, his eyes rolled heavenward and he pitched forward against Serena.

  "Oof!" Serena staggered under Richard's weight as she struggled to keep him upright. Bryan dissolved into helpless, drunken laughter and Serena nearly cried in sheer frustration. "Richard, wake up! Ooh, you clumsy ox! Wake up!" Frantically, hoping pain would bring him around, Serena delivered a vicious kick to Richard's leg. "Ouch! Oh! damn you, Richard, get off me! If I had a grain of sense, I'd let you drop right here!" Abruptly, Richard's weight was taken from her. "Oh, thank you, Edward."

  Edward was far less gentle than Serena had been, and simply dumped Richard's limp form in a corner by the hearth. The grizzled knight gave Serena a rakish grin. "Can I be of any further service, m'lady?"

  "Nay, Edward, you have done more than enough. My thanks."

  Edward shrugged and returned to his table. Serena swung back to Bryan where he sat on the floor. "Get up, Bryan!" she said through clenched teeth. Serena bent down until she could look squarely into her brother's face. "I said, get up," she said menacingly, and Bryan hurried as best he could to comply, while Serena nearly dragged him to his feet. "Now take yourself and Richard out of this hall and don't return until you've regained your senses!" Serena caught his ears in her hands and shook him violently. "Do you understand?" she said furiously.

  "Y-yes, Serena," Bryan groaned. "P-please stop, you're m-making me sick." Bryan paled and Serena re-leased him.

  "If you must be sick, go outside. And don't forget your friend!" Serena whirled and walked away, her emotions spiraling in confusion. She looked around the hall for Gyles and saw him conversing intimately with Beda. Tears sprang to her eyes and Serena quickly lowered her head to study the floor. Her temper and pride had once again overridden common sense and she wondered what price she would pay for her biting tongue. Serena scuffed a dainty foot against the floor and brushed the back of her hand over her cheek before she dared to look up again. The guests were beginning to retire to their chambers and as Gyles was still talking to Beda, Serena could not see what purpose would be served by remaining in the hall, so she also sought her room.

  The chamber was dark when Serena entered and she fumbled about for a few moments before she was able to light a candle. She opened the adjoining door; Gyles's room was also dark and with a sigh she closed the door and moved distractedly around her chamber. Serena tugged at the ribbons in her hair and brushed the heavy mass gently; the golden necklace was placed in a small jewelry chest and Serena ran her fingers lovingly over the delicate links before closing the lid. The gown fell from her shoulders, followed by the kirtle, and Serena rummaged through a clothes chest for a nightgown. She pulled on the first one she found and then realized it was the same nightgown she had worn on her wedding night. Serena smoothed the thin material with her fingers; that night it had been Beda who had kept Serena from Gyles's embrace: would she allow her thoughts of Gyles and Beda to do the same thing now?

  The door to Gyles's chamber opened and closed and Serena could hear him moving restlessly around. No woman's voice came from within and Serena breathed easier. She went to the door, but hesitated, her hand trembling on the latch. Will my pride stand between us forever? Serena wondered. He is my husband and I love him! Should not that be enough to overcome whatever would keep us apart? If I give him my love freely, surely we will find some measure of happiness together.

  Gyles stood at a window staring at the night, seeing nothing, his head resting on his crossed arms. The adjoining door opened and Gyles wheeled, arms dropping to his sides, to see Serena standing uncertainly in the doorway. Her white nightgown floated about Serena like a cloud, and by the grace of a bolt of lightning, Gyles saw the smile that trembled on her lips.

  Serena advanced into the room until she reached the window and Gyles. A light rain began to fall from the ebony sky as thunder rolled over the plain toward Camden. Serena's fingers explored the stones of the wall and Gyles felt his anger ebb away. He understood—how could he not?—for his wounded pride and quick temper had often had distressing results. How often in Normandy had he challenged a man who dared broach the subject of his ignominious birth? Gyles ached to take Serena in his arms and explain the nefarious circumstances that had drawn himself and Beda together, but his pride would not permit such a disclosure. He had yielded enough that day.

  "Gyles?" Serena turned from the window. "Gyles, I am sorry. I apologize for my sharp tongue. I meant not to throw your . . . your liaison with Beda at you. 'Twas a cruel and thoughtless thing for me to do . . . and I am sorry. You cannot know how the thought of you holding her pains me. Call it jealousy if you will, for in truth that is what it is, because I love you." Serena's voice broke and when she stumbled on, the words were choked. "I never believed I could feel for a man what I feel for you, and it frightens me and my fear causes me to be foolish and irrational. I fear that some day you will decide to set me away from you and, oh, Gyles, that I could not bear! 'Twould be easier for me to remain here and watch you take a mistress." Tears dropped from her eyes to spot the bodice of her gown. "Oh, that is not true, I would not easily give you up. I would fight her for you ... I am just so afraid, Gyles! Afraid of you, myself, my own emotions," Serena said miserably. "I wish only to be your wife an
d make you happy. And I greatly desire to bear your children. Gyles ..."

  Serena was suddenly crushed in Gyles's arms and she could only sob against his chest while he stroked her hair. "I do love you, Gyles, but I fear that one day you will look at me and there will be hate in your eyes and then..."

  "Hush, Serena!" Gyles placed a kiss on her hair. Her honesty and defenselessness touched him deeply, and he wondered at what had contributed to molding Serena into the woman she was. "Hush," Gyles said again. "You have no need to weep. If I could love, Serena, I would love you." He gave a short mirthless laugh. " 'Twould have been better for you to marry Richard, for I doubt I will bring you happiness. But, Serena, you give me so much. You love my son, and without asking for anything in return you love me. That you anger me at times is true, but before God, there is something about you that stirs me as no other has." Serena's weeping had ceased and Gyles pulled her even closer to him as if he would envelope her slender frame in his. When Gyles spoke, his voice was thick and harsh. "I desire you as I have no other woman, and the ache I have had for you these past months has come close to driving me to insanity. I may not give you love, but I can give you this!" And his lips covered Serena's with a bruising, searing kiss.

  Caught off balance by Gyles's sudden attack, Serena felt her body stiffen in shock, and then she tasted the wine on his lips. Had she so offended him with her caustic remark about Beda that he had taken his solace in a wine flask? Remorse for her action filled Serena, remorse and an overwhelming desire to bring to Gyles a peace she was positive he had never known. Gyles was still assaulting her mouth as if it were a keep to be wrung from an enemy's hands or as if she were a harlot bought and paid for for the night.

  That thought gave her strength and Serena brought her hands up to exert a steady pressure on Gyles's shoulders. She wanted and needed this union as desperately as he, but it must be shared, not brought about through force. Gyles raised his head with a snap, his green eyes flaring with anger at her resistance.